Sunday, May 6, 2012

Lovenox and other thoughts

  1. Lovenox hurts. The needle is thin and sharp. And it burns. I don't remember the burn quite so crisp. Is this normal? Might be, perhaps two years has dulled the memory of the pain. 
  2. Aside from being tired, I'm not full of symptoms. I got a touch nauseous this morning because I was shopping on an empty stomach, but aside from this, nothing. Not even the "get up and pee in the middle of the night" as I have with my three previous pregnancies.
  3. This worries me.
  4. I'm not incapacitated nor am I having anxiety-attacks about this but I do wonder if the pregnancy is over. I'm checking for blood daily [not hourly as in the past] and then I feel bad that my negative thoughts will end this pregnancy.
  5. Except I know this is not true. If bad thoughts and dark fears ended pregnancies, I wouldn't have my son. So though being worried is not great, I know the only harm is towards me, not towards the dividing being within.
  6. Really, more than feeling anxious or upset, I'm a bit concerned. . . and stunned that I'm pregnant. I can't believe my good fortune.
  7. But my belief is not requisite. This simply is what it is.
  8. My friend told me there is only one truth but its our choice to pick among the million different ways to feel about that truth. The truth may not be our doing, but our emotions and how we tackle it largely are. 
  9. So despite the worries that gnaw, I'm choosing to remain hopeful. I'm choosing to focus on the precious miracle that I am lucky to have at this particular moment in time.
  10. Because life is traveling forward regardless of how I choose to feel about it, so I may as well choose to feel good.


  1. I hope blogspot lets me comment this time.
    It will fly by, believe it or not. It maynot seem like this NOW, but it will, and you'll realise that you actually worry a tiny bit less this time around. And than you start feeling thebaby move. And than you are in the 3rd tri and bam! It's time you start getting ready.
    One piece of advice: don't neglect fruit. Fruit is your friend. It helps ina many, MANY ways. I had no, erm, stoppage issues this pregnancy thanks to fruit. None at all. Apples. And berries. You might have to sneak around to actually get some without W looting the lot, but you do what you have to do. :-)

  2. The negative thoughts always scare me, too! They make me think my faith is too weak and small. And that my lack of faith will cause everything to fail. I'll fail because I had doubt. It's a vicious cycle. I think you're doing a much better job of breaking out of it that I do!